“Your custom we value.”
They say down the phone.
As they read laminated prompt cards,
Provided to each clone.
“That discount’s for new customers,
Not available to you, sir”
“OOOH there’s a new customer,
I must talk to her!”
But I’ve been paying you for years!
And you are rewarding the new?
“You are an existing and valued customer,
Now go to the back of the queue.”
If that is your attitude,
I’ll go somewhere else.
“Retention’s not one of my targets, sir,
And your contract’s not spent.”
So I am stuck paying monthly,
For something that won’t work.
“I’m afraid that’s correct sir,
Don’t you feel like a berk?”
You know I’ll be leaving,
When my contract’s expired?
“I couldn’t care less, sir,
I’ll hardly be fired.”
I’ll go to your competitors,
And that’ll be that!
“We both know that won’t happen sir,
Changing providers is a twat.”
You are wrong! I will leave you!
A new phone contract I’ll enter!
“Good luck with that deal sir,
Those calls come to this central call centre.”
“Sir, you’re starting bore me.
And I am late for my lunch.”
You say you value my custom?
You’re all a bunch of c……hello? HELLO?