“Your custom we value.”
They say down the phone.
As they read laminated prompt cards,
Provided to each clone.
*
“That discount’s for new customers,
Not available to you, sir”
“OOOH there’s a new customer,
I must talk to her!”
*
But I’ve been paying you for years!
And you are rewarding the new?
“You are an existing and valued customer,
Now go to the back of the queue.”
*
If that is your attitude,
I’ll go somewhere else.
“Retention’s not one of my targets, sir,
And your contract’s not spent.”
*
So I am stuck paying monthly,
For something that won’t work.
“I’m afraid that’s correct sir,
Don’t you feel like a berk?”
*
You know I’ll be leaving,
When my contract’s expired?
“I couldn’t care less, sir,
I’ll hardly be fired.”
*
I’ll go to your competitors,
And that’ll be that!
“We both know that won’t happen sir,
Changing providers is a twat.”
*
You are wrong! I will leave you!
A new phone contract I’ll enter!
“Good luck with that deal sir,
Those calls come to this central call centre.”
*
“Sir, you’re starting bore me.
And I am late for my lunch.”
You say you value my custom?
You’re all a bunch of c……hello? HELLO?
