We Value Your Custom. Now Shhhhhh!


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“Your custom we value.”

They say down the phone.

As they read laminated prompt cards,

Provided to each clone.

*

“That discount’s for new customers,

Not available to you, sir”

“OOOH there’s a new customer,

I must talk to her!”

*

But I’ve been paying you for years!

And you are rewarding the new?

“You are an existing and valued customer,

Now go to the back of the queue.”

*

If that is your attitude,

I’ll go somewhere else.

“Retention’s not one of  my targets, sir,

And your contract’s not spent.”

*

So I am stuck paying monthly,

For something that won’t work.

“I’m afraid that’s correct sir,

Don’t you feel like a berk?”

*

You know I’ll be leaving,

When my contract’s expired?

“I couldn’t care less, sir,

I’ll hardly be fired.”

*

I’ll go to your competitors,

And that’ll be that!

“We both know that won’t happen sir,

Changing providers is a twat.”

*

You are wrong! I will leave you!

A new phone contract I’ll enter!

“Good luck with that deal sir,

Those calls come to this central call centre.”

*

“Sir, you’re starting bore me.

And I am late for my lunch.”

You say you value my custom?

You’re all a bunch of c……hello? HELLO?

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